Monologue Team
As a fashion lover–and a mother–I never turn down the opportunity to turn a look. And if I’m willing to pull it out at 9PM on a Friday night, why wouldn’t I be serving it at 9AM on a Monday morning? For those looking to stand out from the 4PM crowd, here are my top styles to try.
Alpha activewear
Activewear at pick up? Revolutionary. Yes, a lot of mums will show up in their yoga/pilates/barre looks. But leave the leggings and polar fleece to the Karens. Take it up a notch and let everyone know that you’re not some light stretching beta, you’re all about pushing it to the edge. Whether that’s ultra marathon running, free climbing or heli-skiing* you didn’t come to play, you came to dominate.
*Obviously don’t actually do any of these sports.
Style icons:
Alex Honnold
Forrest Gump running across the United States for some reason.
Must have item:
The North Face x Gucci Down Jacket, $2,700
WWLTW aka What Would Lydia Tár Wear?
First up, I’ll admit I haven’t seen the film Tár. But judging by the fashion editorials its title-character has inspired, Lydia is a woman I can get behind! Don’t worry if you’re more of a Dua Lipa than a Debussy girl, you can still slip into her ultra-sharp tailoring and gender fluid styling.
Style icons:
Lydia Tár
Your absent father.
Must have item:
Celine Margaret Loafer, $1700 (Ideally no one sees them because you didn’t get out of the Porsche)
Nanny-core
Fashion is about having fun, right? Well give your kids a thrill by channelling their nanny! They’ll enjoy a split-second of elation and relief before realising it’s you, not her, that’s picking them up. Bonus points if someone at the school mistakes you for the 23-year-old who lives in your pool house.
Style icons:
Portia from the White Lotus
The Gen Zs at Sephora you’re secretly terrified of.
Must have item:
Aries x Juicy Couture Psysnake Flocked Mesh Bodysuit, Price TBC
Billionaire Threatening Democracy
Yes we love a statement shoe that retails for the price of a 1999 Honda Civic, but want to know what’s the ultimate fashion flex? Looking like trash. Get in touch with your inner millennial Silicon Valley billionaire and wear a sweatshirt that says, “I’m so rich that I single-handedly tanked the crypto market.”
Style icons:
Mark Zuckerberg
Pre-hair plugs Elon Musk
Must have item:
Zegna Cashmere Zip-Up Hoodie, $4,112
Ever-Ethereal Mother
Do you get up at 4AM to bake your children fresh bread? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean you can’t dress like you do. Take inspiration from those dewy-skinned motherhood influencers. Think long dresses that only work if you are over 5’8” with a BMI of 17, and bare (manicured) feet. Accessorise your off-grid farm-godess look with the hedge fund manager husband who paid for it.
Style icons:
Hannah Neeleman of Ballerina Farm
Every dead mother from a Disney film.
Must have item:
Zimmermann Clover open-back patchwork floral-print cotton midi dress, $1,100
